Break-up Advices, Anyone ???

“Is she mad, why cry over a guy who hurt her, she can move on get many guys, this is not the end of the world…?”

This was what I had asked all of the readers while sharing the story of Angel. Angel, the girl’s story, that had hurt me and you alike. Since she had poured her heart out with me; all I could ever think was:

Why is she still crying over the person who was no good for her?

She is young and beautiful; why is she still withering over him?

Time will heal everything!

Why is she crying for someone who doesn’t even deserve her?

While I was struggling to find these answers and dealing with unsettling thoughts in my mind, I actually realized she is no different from us. Whether we are 16 or 30, we all have once in our life dealt with this demolishing, wrecking, scorched, apathetic feeling called---BREAK-UP!!!

Every other day I could spot her surrounded by her friends, she would hear one or the other endless post breakup clichés and random words of wisdom from them. She would quietly smile, nod at the mantra’s thrown at her and excuse herself from the people.

Finding a quiet corner she would sit, scrolling her phone, checking out random social handles. But that scrolling is just her fingers in some action, while her head considers all the scenarios that could’ve happened if things would have turned differently.

Today I spot her again, sitting in a distant corner of the canteen. Dressed in a pitch black kurta draped with a tinge of red, which beautifully reflected her constant fight with her inner demons. Her eyes puffed with bitter despair and hopelessness, she just sits there staring in the blankness, sipping on the coffee, which had gone cold minutes ago. She flicks her long luscious hair back, trying to tie them in a bun, but that also exhausts her so much that she just let it be.

It’s not that she is not trying to get over it; she is playing her part of the make-believe. But she still dies a little every time, she sees him on social media or in person. When asked if she is ok; she maintains the same answer of “yea, I’m fine” /“I’m over him” until the topic finally goes away.

Looking at her deep brown eyes, I know somewhere her mind is all over the place, asking questions she may never get the answers to. I totally feel for her; how hard it is to put on a cheerful front and the feeling of being discouraged and despondent is not something which is new to me .

While I fall short on the words to confront her and not freight her with all that she already knows, the only thing that can strike me is--- Angel try to accept this outcome as a healthy learning experience.

She instantly smiles and tells me she knows this and she knows it well. She even tells me how she has been constantly surrounded by her loved one’s trying to pour their thoughts onto  her, but what she doesn’t understand is, how to actually make it so easy in real ?

•    It all happened for a reason:  This was the most recursive advice she was hearing, but she was unable to comprehend the ill-fated reason why she ended up here, feeling like her heart has been ripped out, crushed and torn apart. She grits her teeth and asks, as to how stoically is she supposed to just accept it and move on??
•   She will find someone soon: ‘Not what anyone wants to hear when she is reeling from the idea of life without that person she thought she’d grow old with. The thought of being close to someone or even trying to move on at this stage is frightening
•  He was not worth it : Well maybe yes , but does that slightly hint she is  worth all this ?  And how was she supposed to for-see this at the start and how can she suddenly weigh what is worth and what is not, when the weight of broken trust and heart is way too much to carry around?
• There are plenty more fish in the sea. :  She instantly laughs out at this one, Of course there is plenty enough for everyone, but checking the single men stats in the country and adding the probabilities of them being her “knight in shining armor” doesn’t really help in soothing her anguish.
• What goes around comes around: The eccentric “Karma” Logic that she was actually weary of hearing. Well its true people face the consequences of their own actions, but why would she want anyone to be inflicted by this torturous feeling?
•  She could do so much better : “Oh Yes” , she exclaims , throwing her hands up in the air! Mockingly enough she says, “Why this judgmental third-eye of yours did not work while I was getting into it?”
•   Do not listen to sad songs: This was the funniest advice that could have come her way, but apparently it worked better than the other ones, as it restrained her from zoning out into some parallel depressive universe.
• Think positive:   This potentially life changing concept that people seem to shower on others after any difficult situation, works well for them. But doesn’t really work well for people who can hardly think straight after a break-up. Rather than bundling them with this concept, it’s more vital to help them direction their haphazard thoughts and then decide the negative or positive course for them.
•  If it’s meant to be – it’s meant to be: Unless we want the SRK logic of the whole kaiyanat thing , we are really being foolishly hopeless . And if it’s over; it was supposed to be over too

 And almost tear-eyed with a disgusted feeling, she talks about the most annoying thing that she can hear.

 ·  “He’s probably shagging someone else”. Wow. When you put it that way, it puts her so much more at ease. Please tell her more about the boy she loved being touched by someone else, so that she can picture it in detail and drive all the sanity out of herself.

Suddenly realizing that I am dumbfounded by these revelations .She questions me very innocently, “Aks,  All of these annoying cliches are true, of course, but when you’re reeling from a cold heart dumping, they offer little consolation, don’t they?”

Well yes, I think and before I could say anything, she suddenly realizes that her break is long-over. Neither she or I are that lucky, that are managers would give us a “heart-break” off and all our colleagues cheer us by chanting “diljale,diljale” , the only heart-break we collectively face are client escalations.

Realizing this situation, we giggle a bit, pick up our stuff and proceed towards our work stations. Both lost in our own refractions.

While I think of this sincere talk with her, I realize it is not Angel alone; it is all of us who have ever faced post-breakup traumatic advocating sessions. In times of a break up, we have found solace in a variety of confidants – colleagues, best friends, friends of friends, parents, siblings, cousins,…the list is endless. We turn to whoever will listen (without judging) to us pour your heart out and cry a river.

But, no matter who becomes our shoulder to cry on; I can guarantee you must all have even faced these advices very strongly and rhetorically!

But did they really help ?What ones have you heard at one time or another? Feel free to add yours below!