Bittersweet Feelings!

So, a 9-9 job, shifting 3 houses, 2 cities later and completing the most anticipated milestone of the 7 pheras, I thought I will finally be at peace with myself.

I decided,  I won’t write down all the pyaar wala gyan on my blog and took the self-proclaimed break.

Well secretly because of the fear ki ab kuch bhi likhungi, it will be considered as I am complaining about my life!

Why?

Well is it not true? Even if someone share’s a strong voiced article, a beautiful unhappy poetry or 

some love songs ,we presume it to be his current life phase.

We now judge the person by his timeline.

Come to think of it - this is not entirely all wrong, after all there is more communication on someone's timeline these days than in real life.

Anyways!

 After all of this and facing the most unusual, frightening and overwhelming lock-down situation, the only resort I thought was to do something that I like.

Talk (read write)!

I know it’s virtual and practically I am only writing it, but it’s soothing enough for me, why?

Mainly because : this platform is  non-judgmental and I don’t need to filter my thoughts, I can speak here without any grudge , without mincing my words, without thinking what if I am taken wrong… ,many technical reasons which don’t really make sense , but I hope you get it !

Also as I miserably failed in the other “surviving the lockdown hacks” people are doing.

1.       I can barely cook a decent meal ,so as to not whine about missing Mumma or the Swiggy wala bhaiya to give me food.

2.       I literally suck at anything artistic. So, painting/creative activity out of the window.

3.       Dance to aata hai, but saath mein sharam aur aalas bhi aata Hai, Tik-Tok ke itne memes share karein hai , ki ab lagta hai I won't be suited there either.

4.       And no matter how badly I want to call my friends and do those group video calls, click perfect looking snapshots and post on Instagram, I somehow have not been able to achieve that in the past 41 days of lockdown.

5.       And workout and yoga are still on the pending list

What was now left was me and my over-thinking self!

Realization of this innate quality of mine,came like a haunting dream; when I was blamed for being too emotional or reacting way too emotionally or even thinking emotionally.

 I was shattered, I was broken into pieces thinking, that how can someone blame me for being “Overly Sensitive”!

We as Humans are supposed to feel, aren’t we??

OH YES WE ARE!!!

As a highly sensitive person, I’ll say that it’s been somewhat advantageous and other times detrimental, but I try to make the best of it

It can be advantageous, if you can learn to live with it and come to terms with the same!

More so  an advantageous trait, because I think it makes it easier to connect with people as you have an innate understanding and compassion from within, you can read people and understand them much more easily.

I have extremes - high high’s and low lows. The trick is not allowing the low lows to overwhelm me. (Lately I am failing miserably in this).  

While you can see the beauty of life like many others cannot, you are also painfully aware of how horrendous some people can be, and how cruel life and other human beings can be, and it’s sometimes just so painful to bear.

Highly sensitive people often have a hard time coping with the world because they are so perceptive and really “feel” all the sadness of all the world’s problems, which are bountiful.

But you see, Sensitivity is perhaps the most underrated quality in the world.

We are intense, highly imaginative, perceptive and deep.

Everyone processes events and emotions differently.

You may be feeling way too emotional today. But guess what? You’re allowed to be.
But some days , you are still like a rock, nothing affects you , not even the most important events.,And guess what?You'are allowed to be that ways too!!

Yet many of us would rather live in denial than acknowledge vulnerability. Some weird obsession with Machoism, I'd say!!!

But this quarantine gave me  enough time to finally give the verdict on :  is my over-thinking bad?

Well, to be honest .It might affect me  badly sometimes, but at-least there are many people in the world who are unable to identify feelings and emotions and understand them in a rational sense., I am far better than them.

1.      Many people would rather suppress their feelings so they don’t have to deal with certain feelings and emotions that are painful or uncomfortable., But I am very aware of the feelings and, as much as I try to suppress the feelings, I can’t. Instead, I process them and move on. SO, NO GRUDGES!!

2.      Honest towards myself and everything I Feel. 

3.      Everything about life is magnified and penetrating. AND I LOVE THAT!

4.      A damn good listener. I never dismiss anyone's feelings as frivolous or unimportant

5.      After some trial and error, I have learnt what drains me the most and what lights me up from the inside out. I know the importance of self-care  how to take care of, and be gentle, with myself.

6.      I love that my inner child is never too far away to pop out and leave me wide-eyed and awestruck by the world

Apparently, it is all a matter of coming to terms with your emotions and what dictates them. 

And when you feel your so-called overwhelmed emotions are taking you for a ride, these little bits can come to help:

1.       Construct your environment as you wish. Make yourself with pleasant dresses and able cloths etc. Live as you like and have proper meal with enough fruits and liquids.

2.      Remember, you don’t have control on everything. Accept this fact. Worrying or feeling hard will not make any progress on any sensitive issues. It does make our perceptions complicates

3.       Harness these bubbling emotions into something constructive

4.       Crying is a form of healing. Not to mention, feeling guilty about having emotions will only further fuel negative emotions. Don’t be afraid to cry. In most cases, it is best to just let it out and move on.

5.       In Ralph Waldo Emerson’s "Spiritual Laws," he states, “A few strong instincts and a few plain rules suffice us.” Building a strong belief system or a code of conduct for oneself can help immensely.

One of the best ways to find the strength in your sensitivity is by realizing when it’s time to take a break.

This is going to look different for all of us, and it will depend on your situation. Just give yourself what you need the most. 

It might even be the simplest of things like: putting on your coziest pajamas, shutting off your phone, and watching your favorite childhood movie ( you can start with A Cindrella Story, thank me later ;) !)