Over-Stressed over Stress ?????

Hey there all the readers , Hope you are all doing great  and having a nice summer time either in your life or season wise , and even if you are not , hope the summer touches you sooner.

My last week went mostly occupied with my usual work and in the penning down my thoughts and framing a write-up .Though I did write some snippets of one thing or the other , but couldn’t really get my thoughts in a unanimous direction. Until I happened to read a wonderful message from a reader and now my soul-mately friend; he wanted to know my views on how we can channelize our emotions in difficult situations.

Well I am no expert at it, maybe for the people who critically know me well, know the kind of temperament I hold, but there are indeed some learning’s I took , over the years from certain messy,unwanted situations I got myself into. I shall try to write down some things one can work on. But before that remember this and remember well :

Never ever over evaluate you own self. Love your individuality and even if you have messed up somehow, somewhere forgive yourself. If you will be too critical about yourself, then it will only affect your thought process and will bring feelings of self-denial and self-criticism which is truly damaging. In fact, compliment yourself on your ability to perceive your own shortcomings, and seek help in finding a solution.

No Mortal is perfect, we all mess up, and it is just human. Seeking calmness and quietness in our actions is what the sages and saints strive to live, but we shall not try to accomplish this. Rather we should try to just love and work on ourselves every –day.

Think of it as an unfinished sculpture, God laid the foundation of each one of us the same way anatomically, and left the polishing and refining part to us. Some of us mastered this refinement, some are still on it.

The most fundamental thing is dealing with Frustration. Frustration is that dark cloud which makes your mood gloomy and your mind foggy and every other person you interact with; you shower him/her with anger and negativity. This vicious cycle of infuriating thoughts damages your social life as well.

Few points which can be handy in dealing with frustrating scenarios:

Avoid zoning out: The main seed of frustrating thoughts hovering over our sane mind is the over dramatic thinking we all have of incidents gone by ,we should learn to snap out of those headspaces and calm down by focusing our mind and attention on what is now, right here at this moment. It has never done anyone any good, of being physically present in one place and let our thought time travel to some parallel universe. So avoid this and focus on the good this current is providing us, even if you are taking a dump sitting on the throne, be happy that you are better than the constipated people in the world.

Be Thankful: After you have pulled your attention back to where it can be most helpful, focus it on what is still positive in your life. It can be anything-- from a satisfying well spent day, your loved ones around or even a fast working WI-FI connection. Learn the art of appreciating and feeling happy. I have even covered a separate post on it : https://aakshika.blogspot.in/2018/02/inevitably-i-did-make-few-of-my-friends.html.

Learn the Triggers: Once you are in a calmer mood and are not reading between the lines of every situation, try to learn what triggers frustrating thoughts in your mind. Like,I used to get really frustrated when the guy I was dating couldn’t pick out a place for dinner and left all the decision making on me , not once , twice but ALWAYS.

This landed us into many fights. One day I realized that this is only making both of us frustrated, so better than getting angry over a petty thing; let’s just fix duties of picking out places or at least being clear of the kind of menu we would want to eat for that night. Similarly learn what frequently makes you agitated and then work on it

Breathe: Before reacting anyway, verbal, physical or even in terms of body gestures. Take a deep breath and observe. Realize if this reaction, that is involuntarily coming out; is even necessary at all?

Choose: Once you have breathed in and realized the situation, now you can chose the actions. You can choose to walk away from the situation, address the situation at a later time when you are calmer, or practice more relaxation and breathing to help calm yourself down. You can also choose to remove yourself from the situation and deal with your anger privately. Whatever you choose just make sure you abide by it.

Master the Communication: Most messy situations can be avoided if we communicate correctly, calmly and with the correct person.  If we have issue with a specific co-worker or his ways of working, rather than bitching about it to another person, we should calmly confront him and talk about our issues, in a presentable manner. This will avoid unnecessary altercations and weird situations in between us, and it shall be easy to let go off our anger easily. So avoid trying to hint, guess or be passive-aggressive and go for simple, straightforward and calm communication as best you can.

Never take anyone for granted: Mother, daughter, wife, husband, friend or whoever you hold yourself the closest too, never ever let a moment of weakness make you take them for granted. Learn to value and respect the permanence of that person in your life, even if they hurt to an unexplained magnitude, avoid them that moment. Talk to them after sometime, let the guilt consume them to a certain level and then talk about it, do not boil and burst that moment.

Stop taking everything seriously: If there is a certain situation you just can’t avoid, take it humorously, and crack a lame joke or two. Humor can give you some perspective, especially when you realize you're being unreasonable. Just make sure that you don't rely on humor so much that you worsen the circumstances rather than avoiding it.

Forgive. If you are angry because you believe someone has wronged you or hurt you, you need to choose to let go of the resentment you feel. This doesn’t imply, that you are suddenly all ok with whatever caused you pain, but it does show that you are not going to hold a grudge or take it out on another person, By forgiving , you not only let go of the building anger inside you , but you even free yourself from being the victim.

And if everything else fails, remember what Munna Bhai taught us , “jaadu ki jhappi”, go and hug your loved one, the one you hurt or the one who hurt you! As tightly as you can ; till you cannot hear one or more bone of theirs squeaking. You automatically will have better things to think about then. J

**Hope this helped you SB and every other person reading it , Let me know your thoughts by commenting below.