Pyaar se darr nahi lagta,thapad se lagta hai !

Well yes I switched this famous quirky dialogue from Dabaang. Why I did it?? Well I will not answer this right away, I will first share a story with you and let you decipher the meaning of this above statement of mine! 

So it is about a girl, conventional in her ways, extra ordinary in her dreams. Sassiness was her attitude and humbleness her way of life. Deep eyes, vibrant smile, long luscious hair that she always had some trouble taming and a charisma that could charm even the coldest of hearts.  She had the warmth of sunshine on a cloudy day and the cooling effect of the moon at a starry night. Like the gentle breeze of summer, she always brought with her a calmness a feeling of home wherever she went. Her crescent shaped eyebrows dawning her enticing eyes with languid eyelashes, sugar candy sweet lips and an elegant personality all made her nothing less than an Angel, and hence we shall refer to her as Angel!

Angel is just like you and me. A young girl realizing and living her dreams in an ever competitive world. Living a mundane lifestyle, a 9-7 job, making her ends meet, struggling with endless bill payments and understanding the tax options.  She has an endless love for “Friends” and horror movies (after which she encounters scary nightmares). You will usually find her lost in her iPhone with earphone plugged in her ears with some Coldplay or Daughtry song playing. 

She lives a normal lifestyle her days are usually spent on her keyboard cracking some code with intermittent chats and breaks with her girlfriends. After her hard day at work a heavy dinner and a sound peaceful sleep makes her day well spent. 

In this normal routine of hers, one day she was made to meet a guy. Reluctant at first she couldn’t help much but stood there waiting for him. While contemplating and cursing, as to why she had to do this, her eyes fell on a tall fair guy with a charming smile.  On seeing him for the first time her eyes traced his tall physique; from his messy black hair down to his maroon checked shirt. His eyes warm, a range of soft colors. Reminding her of sweet caramel lilac.

She instantly got a bit edgy, shy, thrilled all at once. Seeing him approach her and stumble a bit, she relaxed. He was just as nervous as her. She took a deep breath, inhaling his overly strong cologne. And less did she know, she found herself nearly gagging on the powerful scent. However, his witty sense of humor prevented that and instead it transformed the meeting into one she couldn’t help but remember.

It wasn’t like this was the first time she was meeting someone, she has been smitten before by the charms of guys and luckily she has had her fair chances in those. But this was exceptional. After this meeting followed a couple of some more and each meeting had her sweeping off her feet. He was just beyond perfect! Blushingly she thought to herself, this time the cupid hit the correct arrow.

Slowly but surely he became a part of her daily routine, like an oyster had found its pearl, like Phoebe was right, there did exist a Lobster for each one of us and he was hers. Even doing nothing with him felt so satiating. She longed to see him, talk to him, hear about his day at work and noticing the varied expressions his face had while explaining one thing. His eyes twitching and that really pathetic funny nerve, just made her fall deeper for him, each time every day!

Well now you would say, that’s usual! Angel and her Mr. Perfect are like the usual couples around. What’s different about this story?

When things are too good to be true, they are not really true at all. Her fantasy world shook the day she realized that all this time the thing that she thought was Love wasn’t love after all. His silly mistakes and casual disrespectful gestures that she forgave considering him temperamental, were a part of his personality. He was a narcissistic, dominant person, but all she thought, was that’s it’s fair! Because everything is fair in Love right?

WRONG! Angel’s world came crashing the day she saw this guy true colors.  He, her lover, her protector, her guardian angel, her friend, her soulmate gave her the final blow on THAT day.

THAT day: It was just a normal day, a party was planned and they were hosting a party as a couple for the first time. Jubilant and excited Angel was busy setting up things, inviting their friends, preparing the food, getting the drinks. “This has to perfect”, was the only thing running in her mind.

The friends were here, the celebrations had started, “it’s going perfect”, she murmured and relaxed and turned to face him. It was almost over midnight and his tipsiness was converted to drunkenness, she tried stopping him, but he ignored Angel and kept on drinking. She got busy talking to a few guests, when suddenly she heard a sharp noise.

A glass was broken by a guest by mistake! She quickly calmed her friend, who was instantly embarrassed at this trouble. While she was cleaning the remains of the glass, she heard him approach. A little angrier, much drunker and most aggressive.

HE pushed her in anger, she fell on the ground, unable to balance herself and her emotions, she got up in fury. Shocked and numb at this behavior she still tried to hold his hand, but instead he flipped his hand right on her cheek, those same cheeks he loved kissing. One, two, three, she lost count! Countless blows followed. Like her broken dignity and heart, she fell down on the floor, silently praying this assault stopped and he could see how badly he is hurting her.

But the moment she fell, was like the most enticing moment for him. His hands, tired of the slaps he was planting on her, he started using his legs instead. Kicked her right in the gut, back, butt whatever he could see. She turned around begged him to stop, called for help, cried, shouted on top of her voice. Rather than backing off there and then, instead her fiancé turned into nothing less than a monster.

To stop her from shouting, he buried his hands onto her neck, the same he praised and loved to tease. The same neck he choked! A broken heart, teary eyes and a worn out body, she couldn’t breathe at all, she quivered like a fish.  That moment she knew this is it, probably this is how it is supposed to end, but something made her come back to senses again, and with all her strength she got up and dig her nails right onto his neck and fought back to escape his clamp.

He shouted in pain and let go of her. She ran with all her broken strength, took her car keys and sprinted onto the road. Unable to decipher, unable to catch her breath, unable to see what monster was in front of her and the merciless conduct he did, unable to make sense to all that happened she reached her room. Gasped unto the floor and cried the whole night away, shouting out to the skies above that how did her Mr. Perfect turned into a Batterer?

The next day followed with him incessantly abusing her and accusing her of his actions, giving her reasons like SHE provoked the violence by looking at another guy, wearing a skirt that's too short, or not paying attention to him.

The following evening was even more dreadful, she could hardly even speak a word about what happened and explain the bruises she got from the man she loved. He on the other hand was dramatically remorseful — crying, begging for forgiveness and promising to never become violent again. But how could she forgive him?

The  intense outbreak of rage and violence  she encountered earlier were going to haunt her for the rest of her life.  She broke all ties with him and promised never to see him again!

But was that enough? A lot of people think that the damage of an abusive relationship ends when the relationship dies, but that’s not always true. The emotional toll an abusive relationship has on a person is a big one and it the effects stay with them long after they leave the abusive person.

Angel’s mental health was in a vulnerable state; she could barely eat or sleep. Her heart was ripped and torn into a million pieces. Whenever she closed her eyes, she imagined him hitting her, assaulting her and calling out names at her, if this wasn’t enough self-loathing and a feeling of being completely alone in the world followed her.

Her routine had a new regime: Constant mental and emotional breakdowns in office, home, parking, or even casual lunches with friends. Every one told her he was a bad person, it’s better she left him already, and that she is safe.

Angel heard it all, whatever is being said is being said to her best interest. But what these others did not understand was more than the physical abuse, she was broken emotionally. She wasn’t able to come at peace with the fact that the person she trusted so much could think of harming her. She went into a state of self-denial and constants guilt trips of thinking that what could have triggered this unwanted behavior in him?

Was it her fault? Did she keep a blind eye to his abusive nature since the beginning? Or was it just a bad time that made a monster out of a perfect chocolate guy?  She was left in pieces under bed’s comforter for weeks on end, not doing anything; staring blankly at a wall, thinking and silently praying how this one day could just vanish from her life. Her fragile, pathetic hope, stupid optimism and stupider trust were shattered into enough pieces to slice.

 Angel would wake up every morning ,wondering if today would be the day ,that the fogginess would disappear that her words would regain their meaning and wouldn’t be a ghost of a shell of a person.
She was Going through the motions of life both eternally sad and unfeeling at the same time. It was a pain to see her that ways!

It has been a while since all this has happened and Angel is slowly returning to her earlier self, but still the scars of that night are still deep engraved in her heart.  Is she fully recovered? Has she completely forgotten? Are things only she can answer, but one thing for sure is, the girl that brought the summer’s warmth has lost herself in a cold deserted place which refuses to come back anytime soon.

I am teary eyed after writing this, maybe will continue later with this post. I really wanted to write it all to get it out of my system and share your views with Angel too. My first reaction to this was “Is she mad, why cry over a guy who hurt her, she can move on get many guys, this is not the end of the world, but well then I stopped and thought, was it really about a guy? Or was it a scar that is incurable for the rest of her life?”