I do ...do you???

The first thing that rings in our head after hearing this is the most awaited part of everyone’s life.  We literally have played this particular scenario in our head a countless number of times. Remember Geet from Jab We Met or Kate Hudson’s character from Bride wars? Well yes that somewhere holds true for me.

The problem with communicating less and thinking more is that your mind itself becomes a theatre. You start creating and enacting innumerable scenarios in your head. From eloping to destination wedding I have done it all (well in my head)!  It’s funny how I love thinking about the day I will be getting married, the dress I’ll wear, the Aisle setup, the mandap flowers, even the make up! But when even a slight chance of all this getting material seems to take place I and my thoughts both take a flight! 

 Is it the commitment phobia or is it just the baggage a socially or ritually recognized union of two people (read marriage) brings? This social alliance is like the most sought after aim of our parents after we reach the “eligible” age. We must have often heard our parents saying that “bus tere lie ab ek accha sa ladka/ladki dhundh lu, phir I am free of all my duties”. Like that is the end of all my life problems, ek accha sa ladka!!!!

Just this line gives me heebie-jeebies! Literally translated “one nice boy!” (Not being sexist, but extracted from firsthand experience of being dragged to find “nice boys” around in society). Now I do agree that there are nice guys around, but what I don’t really understand is, what is this nice?

I mean is the guy supposed to be some replica of Raj from DDLJ or Henry from 50 First Dates? Or is he supposed to Prem, Rohit, Rohan, Aman, Dev or Spiderman? Basically what I mean is what to seek in a life partner! Physical appearance, nature, financial security, family values, your gut feeling or just below the gut feeling.

First meetings are always the trickiest ones, and thanks to the social media and stalking skills it brings with it, before meeting a person you actually tend to somewhat know a person. But you just cannot know a person enough to conclude whether he is “nice” or a “nicer” one from the last one.  Every new flame seems to hit spot-on, every new person seems to be interesting than the previous one and every new face warms your heart. But that is not enough to decide who would you finally “SETTLE” with.

Then the question arises, Why settle? Live life on the edge, be the single aunt everyone will be jealous of. Travel the world, foster a dozens of dogs and spend your money on adventures.  Then suddenly your bubble is popped with your mom’s phone in front of your eyes and another guy’s picture with flashy white teeth peeping right into your dreamy world and silently daunting a “wicked” laugh.

And the Cycle starts. Its wearisome, but somehow our society can never really get enough of it! Couple of meetings, some kilo calories gained by munching on the Samosas and chai, hidden new crockery out in your house which you never knew even existed in the first place. Same questions, same shyness cloak on and same lies exchanged on the tables. Some broken questions, some monologues answer and tadaaa you got to sleep with this person for the rest of your life.

I mean you can barely even remember the person’s face after that 10 minutes “akela” meeting, your family has even dreamt of their next generation. Their jubilant and excited faces give you the same chill down your spine as a hen must feel before being made tangri kabab. Barely to escape this drama and try to catch your breath you negotiate for some time to know the person, but deep in your heart you know it is just an escapade and not a solution.

Gradually the deadliest days follow, you trying to convince yourself as someone’s bride, partner, daughter-in-law and those scary words. Some sleepless nights and long conversations with your best friend you finally assure yourself of taking the plunge.

The most important days of your life happen to take place, where you start acting the Sherlock and try to find out the hidden qualities in this prospective groom of yours. A mental checklist is refreshed after every 15 seconds of him completing a sentence, his actions are deliberated over a panel of your girls and his social profile scrutinized from the advent of mankind. Every move is calculated and every word minted before finally the day comes when you stamp a judgement on this proposed alliance.

As illogical and funny this seems on paper, so is it in real life. I am not against marriage, I would love to get married one day, When and to Whom are the two questions still left unanswered. And I am not in a rat race to get settled prior society bars me, they anyhow will even say one thing or the other.

All I know is that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Yes, society can help me look for a perfect match for me, so can my relatives and the also prying aunty in each family function inquisitive to know “Beta shadi kab karoge?”, but they can’t force me to do it.

I might not know what I am looking for, I might be confused, clueless and even scared as of now. But I do believe in Happy Endings and I do believe that maybe my Prince Charming will probably not be as charming as I want and definitely he will not be a Prince to some land, but he, that “one” person will be there somewhere.

And I would not need him to “Complete” me. I am a whole in every characteristic. I would want him to accompany me, not to provide for me but to put up with me, not to be my pillar of strength but resonate with me on the same wavelength.

To be a home away from home in a new home that would be as much home to me as he himself.

Till then I would keep trying my hands at Love and knock on every prospective door, cherish hatred,cherish heartbreak and even cherish my solitude. You never know which one just lands me into my Fairy tale!!!!

(*Images from Google)